Knowing That I'd Be the First One to Die in a Survival Movie

Ok now. I just saw Prometheus a few nights ago and every time I see a movie where there are people getting killed off I always like to place myself in one of their roles.

But the sad thing is, I know I'd be one of the first to die.

Taken from Lost, Season 1: Episode 1.

For example, in the first episode of Lost there is mass chaos at the site of the plane crash and Shephard is running around trying to help people. This guy is dazed and standing by the plane engine, Shephard says, "Get away from the engine!" Aw, too late, the guy got sucked in and blew the engine up, probably killing tens of potential survivors. Me.

In any zombie movie there is the cop who tries to apprehend a zombie. The zombie naturally attacks, bites the guy's jugular, and then he dies (but comes back to life in a few minutes). Me.

Or in Cast Away. Tom Hanks is like, "OMFG I'm on an island. Is there anybody else from that plane on this island with me?" He finds another guy facedown in the beach and pees his pants with excitement. Then he flips the guy over and the guy is DEAD! Me! It's probably good though because they would've been on that island for years and would've argued about whether to open the stupid package and then Tom Hanks would've killed me anyway and eaten my corpse... Grrs.

In slasher films, that first person to get killed is so pitiful because they didn't even see it coming. That would be me. And I'd be hella pissed too. I mean. What did I ever do to Mrs. Vorhees or her son? I wasn't even alive in the 80s! What did I do to deserve being a human sacrifice or a random kill by a deranged lunatic? The worst thing I've done is write blog posts about skanks and hos and douches and bros!

But I know I'd be first because let's face it, I don't have the skills to be a survivor. I can't run the entire city or randomly pull out a shotgun and know how to use it. I would be there asking my screaming pregnant neighbor if the gun is loaded run while an undead prostitute is jumping me and biting at my eyeballs.

Grrs. The knowledge that I'm screwed is annoying.

Much love.

-Harrison