Bitchy Waitresses

Ok now. I have a lot of respect for waiters and waitresses who have to put up with people's bullshit for little pay. I also find disgust in people who don't tip. But there is one time where I find myself in a predicament.

There are times when I just want to go to a restaurant, laugh with some friends, get some chips and salsa, and then leave. But then our waitress, let's just give her a fake name for future reference, Mabel (or Frederick, men can be bitchy waitresses too),  comes up to us and says, "What the fuck do you want?"

You can imagine my surprise as this rude introduction to our evening but I assume that I misheard her. So I say, "Um, I think we might just get some appetizers and drinks."

Mabel: "Good fuckin' joke. Why don't you waste more of my life?"

Buhhh... what? Again, I must be hearing her wrong. After an awkward chuckle and a look of despair from the others around the table, "Yeah can we just get some chips and salsa and I just want an iced tea."

Mabel: "Iced tea? What the fuck are you, three? You're not going to get an entree and and then you order a fucking iced tea? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

So at that point I have realized that we have received the service of the bitchy waitress. In this case a very vulgar sassy waitress.

So she comes back and drops the chips on the floor and throws the iced tea in my face and at that point I decide, You will get noooo tipppppssssssss... But then I feel horrible because I think of all the reasons behind her sass.

1. She could've had a really bad day.

Mabel could've gotten out of her bed this morning ready to make so many people happy but then her neighbor's cat got into her apartment and shat on her bed. Instantly she is upset but she is determined to not let this kitty shitty ruin her day! After disposing of her sheets she goes to the fridge to get some cereal but she is out of milk. Nothing is worse than that. But she perseveres and eats a handful of raisins for breakfast. She leaves for her first job (she must work multiple jobs because she is addicted to seeing Celine Dion live) and on the way somebody rear ends her and then drives off. She is late to work and her car is wrecked, but she does not have time to deal with it today. At her job, her boss tells her that she is not selling enough lumber so she gets fired. She cries and walks to her second job, at the restaurant. When she walks in she realizes she doesn't have her uniform and they make her wear the spare which smells like a wet dog that likes to urinate on itself.

So then I feel guilty, because if I didn't leave her a big tip she might cry herself to sleep every day for the rest of her life.

2. We could truly be dicks.

Maybe I had a tone or gave her a face. Maybe I didn't realize it. Maybe my brain lives in a parallel universe from what my body does. Maybe when I think I'm being nice I'm really being an asshole! In that case, I've been a pretty awful person for my entire life. I'm sorry Mabel for thinking it was your fault.

3. She comes from a country where they don't get tipped so they don't care about service.

In Europe, you go into a restaurant and they will get you food and then ignore you because they don't care. So it would make sense that she wouldn't care. But then at that point should I give her a tip? Will she be expecting it? I just don't know...

4. She is just a really mean person.

Maybe Mabel is just a horrible person. In that case I have no problem not giving her a tip. If you're going to work with people you should be nice because the customer can ruin your life. So try to be nice.

But then I get worried because if I don't leave a tip she might find me, kidnap me, and then feed me to her cats.

So at the end of the night I give her a normal tip even though she was filled with sass. I go home and think about how awful Mabel is and how awful I am for giving into her torture techniques.

So don't be a Mabel. Moral of the story.

Much love!

-Harrison

*NEW POLL AT THE BOTTOM!*