Art

Ok now. ... ok... now.

I did not feel these emotions about art before I came to art school and started making things and doing shit and stuff. But now... now I cannot handle the art world.

I guess I shouldn't say I cannot handle it. More so... it is fucking stupid. Let me explain:

I don't know what I consider myself. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm an artist but more so a person who utilizes technology to get my point across. I guess I'm a thinker...? So in the end I'm basically a bum that makes pretty things sometimes.

But there are all these hipsters that are taking pictures of their cats and tall buildings and then putting them on instagram and then printing them out and selling them and they're suddenly an artist? No, you little twats, instagram is to photography as youtube celebrities are to Meryl Streep. IT'S NOT THE SAME!

I mean, everyone thinks they're a photographer because they have a nice camera. I'm not above this. Why would I have tried to learn more about it if I didn't think I was a decent photographer? But yeah, all I had was a nice camera.

But let's move on to other art forms. Painting is cool and I have hardcore respect for people who have real skill at it. But now we've reached the point where you can paint three lines 10,000 times and say that it was inspired by the spirit of abstract expression. Heh, that's cute. I'm glad your lines really express your inner self... abstractly.

Or sculpture. Again, respect for talent. But when somebody gathers 100,000 paper clips and puts them in a pile because it represents the corruption of monogamous relationships and the sexual boundaries they create and also why the government should legalize LSD and giving babies crack. It could possibly speak to the flaws of the education system.

FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ART!

Can't even handle it.

So in the end. Imma quit art because I obviously am not using instagram right. I'm going to become a hermit and live off the land.

What that means is I'm going to find a cabin in the woods and starve within the week... Derp.

Much love.

-Harrison

Knowing That I'd Be the First One to Die in a Survival Movie

Ok now. I just saw Prometheus a few nights ago and every time I see a movie where there are people getting killed off I always like to place myself in one of their roles.

But the sad thing is, I know I'd be one of the first to die.

Taken from Lost, Season 1: Episode 1.

For example, in the first episode of Lost there is mass chaos at the site of the plane crash and Shephard is running around trying to help people. This guy is dazed and standing by the plane engine, Shephard says, "Get away from the engine!" Aw, too late, the guy got sucked in and blew the engine up, probably killing tens of potential survivors. Me.

In any zombie movie there is the cop who tries to apprehend a zombie. The zombie naturally attacks, bites the guy's jugular, and then he dies (but comes back to life in a few minutes). Me.

Or in Cast Away. Tom Hanks is like, "OMFG I'm on an island. Is there anybody else from that plane on this island with me?" He finds another guy facedown in the beach and pees his pants with excitement. Then he flips the guy over and the guy is DEAD! Me! It's probably good though because they would've been on that island for years and would've argued about whether to open the stupid package and then Tom Hanks would've killed me anyway and eaten my corpse... Grrs.

In slasher films, that first person to get killed is so pitiful because they didn't even see it coming. That would be me. And I'd be hella pissed too. I mean. What did I ever do to Mrs. Vorhees or her son? I wasn't even alive in the 80s! What did I do to deserve being a human sacrifice or a random kill by a deranged lunatic? The worst thing I've done is write blog posts about skanks and hos and douches and bros!

But I know I'd be first because let's face it, I don't have the skills to be a survivor. I can't run the entire city or randomly pull out a shotgun and know how to use it. I would be there asking my screaming pregnant neighbor if the gun is loaded run while an undead prostitute is jumping me and biting at my eyeballs.

Grrs. The knowledge that I'm screwed is annoying.

Much love.

-Harrison

Internet Trolls

Ok now. It is understandable why some people feel the need to go onto forums or comment on videos, etc. stating their extreme disgust for something. Some examples that warrant these flames are anything related to the Ku Klux Klan or Westboro Baptist Church, tragic events like hurricanes or earthquakes where the disgust is more sadness and sympathy, or anything touched by Rebecca Black.

That. Is. It.

What I (and everyone else in the world) hates the most is when you're looking at something you really like and think is the bee's knees. You're reading other fans' appreciation and having a gay ol' time until some dick with a screenname like "xXxqueef_tits_mcgee1998xXx"decides to leave a comment that is completely intended just to aggravate people.

Now don't even pretend you haven't come across this screenname before. It is out there... I bet.

But let us create a hypothetical situation. Say you really like an adventure video game called the Legend of Floppyface. You want to buy this cool t-shirt with Floppy on it and are reading some people's comments about why they love Floppyface. You know it is a waste of time to be reading other people's appreciation of the game instead of playing yourself, but dammit, you just feel good.

floppyfan2179 - "OMG remember when Floppy was encased in that amber-looking thing and you found out she was actually a Russian man?"

harrisonisonaforum23 - "AHHH that was the best! I had no idea! And then she... he came out of the amber and defeated the boss!!!!!"

i_lessthanthree_icarly2001 - "rember wen dis gayme wuz only playd by queers n fags n babehs. CALL OF DUTY noobfags!!!!!!!1!!!"

Call of Duty my ass.

Again, don't pretend you have not seen this scenario occur before. Some ten-year old is sitting at his grandma's computer right now trying to get past the parental controls to watch Japanese porn and is frustrated so he's taking it out on your forum!

ARGH! It is so infuriating.

But at least it gets me off of the computer because I don't want to look at it anymore. I then go and look at a different screen and play video games for an extended number of hours.

I'm so glad I live in the 21st century.

Much love!

-Harrison

P.S. Sometimes I don't look at screens. I read books and go on walks and pet dogs n shit. Don't judge me... (Whenever someone says 'Don't judge me...' they're judging themselves. I'll write a post about that.)

P.P.S. Don't forget the polls at the bottom of the page!!!!

When You Have 20 Things to Carry but Only 2 Hands

Ok now. I know I wrote about this before but this... this really gets my goat. It deserves a super-special second look!

I have been doing a lot of traveling recently; taking things back and forth, up and down, left and right, to the windoooooows to the walls; and I often will have a ton of crap that needs to be moved out of my car and into wherever I'm going.

Whenever I think about this.
I think it'd be cool to be Goro,
from Mortal Kombat.
Then I realize... I'd be Goro...
Not worth it.

Now first, my car is a piece of junk (that I love) that makes even the most simple of tasks very difficult. But no task is as difficult as getting stuff out of my back seat. It doesn't help that my car is like two feet tall. So when I go to get in it I have to do the limbo and compress my body to 1/3 its size. So I get down to get stuff up then realize I'm contorted into some ridiculous-looking pretzel and then I retrieve the item of interest and have to make it back out. Grrrs.

Second, I only have two hands. So what happens is I make sure I put the important stuff in my hands and the other stuff laying haphazardly in my arm basket. I just wish that I could sprout extra hands. Ghost hands. Is that a movie? Could it be? Ghost Hands, tagline: get ready to touch over to the other side, EIGHT TIMES! I mean, think of how cool having eight hands would be. But not real hands, ghost hands. You could decide what you wanted to pick up by focusing.

Screw it, I decided the force is the superior option in the debate inside my mind. I could just lift up everything and make it float to where it needs to go. Perfect plan.

Ghost hands would still be pretty cool.

Mmmmmm.

Much love.

-Harrison