Fortune Cookie Deceit

Ok now. Have you ever had the misfortune of going out to eat at an Oriental restaurant and received a fortune cookie...

(On a side note, has anyone else noticed that America wants fortune cookies everywhere they are waited on by an Asian. Go to Pizza Hut and are served by Jenny who is a fourth generation Korean girl and you know that the Andersons are going to want a fortune cookie. Fuck, they might as well give them out at McDonalds and Taco Bell)

...and inside that fortune cookie is a little slip of paper. On that slip of paper are some lucky numbers, which means absolutely nothing to you, so you flip it over. Now you have reached the exciting part. What lies in your future. The fortune cookie reads:

"Go to the park. Enjoy nature."

Qu'est-ce que le fuck Fortune Cookie!? That is not a fortune! That is a command! I wanted something like: "You're going to lose your kidney in a cock fight." or "Many men will shit on your face next Tuesday." Those are fortunes that are intriguing and suggest something will occur. Hell, even the ol "You are a kind person and will meet many people" would suffice. At least it is telling me my future.

This fortune got it right!

But no. They pull this command stuff. Hell, they might as well say: "Go outside fatty. Stop eating so damn much." or "Move out of your mom's basement." At least try to offend me some more you fucking cookie.

Why do cookies offend me so much. First girl scouts, now this! But for shizzles, couldn't you just as a 'you will' to these commands. "Go to the park, you will enjoy nature" Hell, now that's a fortune.

I think that these writers need to learn what a fortune is. Also, why are the fortunes always good. I know I'm going to have some bad fortune some time in my life. I want honest fortune cookies. One that says: "Play the lottery, you're going to lose" or "Don't buy a new car, your wife will take it in the divorce." (Imagine if a woman got this. Not only would she be forewarned about buying a new car, but she will also realize that she is a lesbian.)

Think of how much that could save me.

Much love!

-Harrison