The Anticipation of Christmas by Retailers

Ok now. I LOVE Christmas! But do you know what I love more? Thanksgiving. And do you know what I like? Halloween. And do you know what else is pretty cool? Labor Day. But I am not allowed to fully get in the spirit for these holidays because some retailers like Shobby Slobby put out their Christmas decorations in July!!! And they're like "GET READY FOR THE SEASON!!! GET THE BEST DEALS HERE!!!"

Best deal my ass. That way I can buy an ornament of fat ol' Santa, store him away someplace, forget about him, and fail to put him up on the Christmas tree I wait until December 22 to buy. -_-

Obviously there is a problem here.

But back to the original issue, I want to get into the spirit of other holidays! Some people treat Halloween like Christmas. They start to make costumes a year in advance, make their own candy, put on a Haunted House, go on a murderous rampage and try to kill Jamie Lee Curtis, and even fly bats in and store them in their chimney (like in Jumanji).

Why can't they have a chance to prepare for Halloween? But no, there is like one aisle of shitty Halloween shit and ten of Christmas. And the Halloween doesn't get put out until the first week of October! For shame.

Yes, the tagline is:
"Gobble Gobble, Mother Fu%#@r!"

But my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, for multiple reasons: I was expelled from my mother on that day, we get to get together with family and have awesome food and play Wii and cards and such, and there are no horror movies based on Thanksgiving (false. Googled it, definitely a movie about a mutant turkey with a foul mouth. It is called Thankskilling. We know what I am watching this weekend!)

But why do I never get a Thanksgiving prep-time? I mean, we get maybe two weeks after Halloween clearance sale is over and I never get to prepare.

In all honesty, I don't know how I'd prepare. But dammit I'm going to get some cornucopias fill them with delicious fake fruit and make a center piece that even the gods would be jealous of.

Imma cornucopia the fuck out of this month!

Much love!!!

-Harrison